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>> Managing People                                                                                                   

 

How to... have a difficult conversation

Turn difficult conversations into constructive ones - it will show what your people really want and need Paul Z Jackson

 

Publication date: 30 July 2009
Source: People Management magazine Page: 31

When times are tough, people line up to dump their problems on the HR manager. The conversations are often difficult, saturated with negativity and complaints. HR’s helpful suggestions are often met with “Yes, but” and an explanation of why they won’t work.

So, instead of doling out sympathy, try turning difficult conversations into constructive ones. This approach should allow you to find out what your people really want and need, so you can help them to develop a way forward that leaves responsibility firmly with them.

1 Establish responsibility
By all means, remain sympathetic and acknowledge problems. But being a good listener does not mean you have to take on responsibility for someone else’s problem. Keeping that in mind is the key to making the switch from a difficult conversation to a constructive conversation. If someone wants things to be different, the responsibility for that remains with them. Your role is to clarify what’s wanted and to offer technical information to allow them to fulfil the task. Listen carefully to identify who wants what and who is required to deliver it.

2 Restate the issue positively
When you have identified who wants what, get that stated clearly and positively. Rather than: “You don’t want your people turning up late for every meeting”, restate the issue as: “You want your people arriving on time for meetings.” This protects you from taking that negativity on board and keeps sight of solutions. If you need to clarify, say: “So you don’t want …?”; then ask: “What do you want instead?”

3 Explore previous success 
Find out when they have dealt with similar issues before. Ask them to consider to what extent that experience will help them to manage this case. If they would like another perspective, outline what’s happened elsewhere. Ask which of their colleagues is good at managing such situations. During the conversation, pick up clues that indicate resourcefulness and competence. Mention these as the conversation progresses.

4 Keep the climate optimistic
If people don’t believe a situation will improve, it probably won’t. Your task is to inculcate hope. Offer an example of when a solution to the type of challenge in question was achieved – preferably within your own organisation. Affirm the person’s skills. Even if you are struggling to identify the skills they have that are relevant to the task, at least ensure that it remains clear who is to deal with this issue.

5 Agree small actions first
Sometimes it is daunting to have a huge list of action points. Rather than allow that to cause delay or to freeze the person into immobility, get agreement on a first step. Small actions are those that can be taken relatively easily and soon. When the person has a clear sense of what they want to achieve, plus an appreciation that they have the skills and resources to contribute to that, they will readily identify a first step.

6 Monitor momentum
Sometimes the person is sufficiently empowered by one conversation to tackle their issue. And sometimes they will value your continuing support. In any follow-up conversation, the topic needs to be: “What’s going well?”, again leading to a carefully chosen next step for the person to take. Discover what they think might be the next sign of progress and how they might be ready to support that. With this approach, you can consistently do a better job of turning negative complaints and overstated demands into more constructive conversations.


Key points
- Listen for what’s wanted rather than who's to blame.
- Keep the responsibility with its rightful owner.
- Uncover the skills and knowledge of the issue holder by finding out their experience of this and similar cases.
- Help them to fill gaps by adding relevant context, stories of success elsewhere and any technical information.
- Follow up by talking about progress made and the next step

 

>> Coaching & Mentoring                                                                                                    

 

Businesses’ top reason for using coaching is to develop high potential staff

(Describes the results of a report in the Harvard Business Review on the coaching market.)

The top reason for using coaches in the US and possibly the UK too, is to develop high potential staff or facilitate transition, according to a report by the Harvard Business Review (HBR).

Forty eight per cent of respondents to HBR’s survey of 140 coaches; 71% from the US and 18% from the UK, cited the above as their reason for engaging coaches. Some 26% said they used coaches as a “sounding board” and only 12% to address derailing behaviour.

When coaches were asked to explain the healthy growth of the coaching market, they said clients keep coming back because coaching “works”. Yet the survey suggests there are conflicts of interest, “blurry lines” between what is the province of coaches and mental health professionals and “sketchy mechanisms” for monitoring the effectiveness of coaching engagements. The report appeared in the January issue of HBR. 

(Source: CIPD Online, liz Hall, Published 15 January 2009)

______________________________________________________________________

Coaching Toolbox: Emergent Knowledge

Step 1: Have the client write or draw their goal on a piece of paper.

Step 2: Ask the client to place the paper (or object) in a space that 'feels right' to them.

Step 3: Ask them to tell you how they would like you to refer to this paper or object from
now on.

Step 4: Ask the client to place themselves in a space that feels right, in relation to where they have placed their object or paper, and once more, give some encouragement if necessary.

Step 5: Ask a series of repetitive, similar sounding questions that help bring the dynamic of
the positioning alive.

Ask any combination of the above options a minimum of six times, and keep going until
you get a few ‘yeses’ in a row.

Step 6: Download information.Ask slowly and deliberately, emphasizing each word and leaving space between the words.

Step 7: Create a ‘knowledge network’ by adding more and more layers of information
until a new understanding emerges.

Step 8: Download again. After six questions or moves, ask the same download question: And what do you know now?

Step 9: Finish.

Invariably something significant has shifted in their understanding, and sometimes a transformational insight will have emerged.

(Source: Association for Coaching Newsletter Spring 09)

>> Manage Change                                                                                                              

Your route to the top – Managing change

Start with yourself- Consultant William Bridges says: ‘It isn’t the changes that do you in, it’s the transitions.’ In other words, problems lie not in the new role or structure but in how you adjust. The better you manage your own transition, the easier it is to guide others.

Find the means- Archimedes said: ‘Give me a lever and I will move the world.’ Whether its changing a process, merging two teams or empowering staff to make decisions, what levers can you use to support that change?

Relish Resistance- Letting skeptics air their views and addressing their concerns will bring them on board. You might even learn a thing or two.

Tell it like it is- Research shows that in times of turbulence, people want above all else to see authenticity in their leaders.

Recognise and reward- Whether it’s a public thank you, team lunch or an early Friday finish, acknowledge milestones along the way to add momentum and advertise success.

>> Career Management & Development

Career discussions at work: practical tools for HR managers and employees

Download

About the download

This tool is available to CIPD members and non-members as it is based on research from the National Institute for Careers Education and Counselling (NICEC). It provides HR, managers and employees with the necessary skills to have effective conversations to develop everyone's potential. Contains:

• an introductory exercise to reflect on personal experience
• a review of the business case for effective career discussions
• a 4-stage model for effective discussions
• an overview of the key findings of the NICEC research project on career discussions.

>> Coaching & Mentoring

 

Coaching through the recession